I tried.. and am still trying

Its so tiring… It is good to know that I am free from that monster. But what still beats me is that I have to face it’s after-effects. It really isn’t easy to just get done and over with treatment. What I face now, is not pain nor agony but despair. One of the biggest problem I face is that I probably can’t get into University’s intake this year.

Yeah, you may wonder how is this even a problem. But to me, it is. Because I really want to be just like others. Because I really want to quickly further my studies instead of waiting another ONE WHOLE YEAR just to get into uni. Because I don’t want to hold back my studies any further especially since I studied in polytechnic (which is a longer journey to uni by a year more). BUT ALL JUST BECAUSE OF LYMPHOMA, which is a cause that I can’t help at all, I had to defer a semester to get myself treated.. And now, my university studies may be held back.

I tried. I REALLY TRIED. Just hoping and increasing my chances of getting into uni this year, I even requested to push my internship 1 week earlier (which is the earliest I can push it to) so that it will end in the 1st week of August (since uni school term would start on 14th August)… I even went to see the MP (Member of Parliament) to share my troubles and hope for a letter from my school to state very clearly as to when I will graduate. However, my possibility of getting into uni is still so small… Because my final semester results which DOES NOT affect my GPA at all, will only come out in September (which is already after uni starts). I know, I understand why. But it is only all about paperwork?? I don’t know if I can even get just a letter stating that I have completed my diploma? But who fails internship especially when one is trying so hard to get into uni?? Damn all those procedures.. I really dislike this whole thing. I can’t help it when I got this cancer right?? but these procedures… they are matters that can be solved and done as long as there is a will. It is something where humans can be more flexible and work out these matters!

sigh… … …

Now, what can I do? I really don’t know… I know that I told myself many, many, many times that it is okay if I can’t get into uni this year. It is okay because I can always look for a job and gain some work experience. But it is just always so contradicting each time I console myself. And whenever that happens, I am just so tired… Then again, I try consoling myself… at least I tried… I really tried… but I won’t give up till the very end…

I tried and am still trying…


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