It has been REALLY long since my last post on my experience with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma… So here is the update..
YAY right now because I HAVE FINISHED MY WHOLE COURSE OF CHEMOTHERAPY TREATMENT!!! It has been a really tough 6 months going through this period of time. The last 2 times of chemo was just a little bit different from the rest before. Well, not much difference actually. I still vomited… but the thing is that at least I didn’t start vomiting before the treatment…Compared to last time, where I would vomit just few minutes after taking panadol (and even before they inject the medicines into my body), I will now bluff myself and use some kind of reverse psychology on myself. I would tell myself that it is not panadol that I am taking but just my usual early morning antibiotics and try to calm myself down. Somehow, it worked. I didn’t vomit after taking panadol. And on the 11th time of chemo, the nurse told me “I am giving you your pre-meds ah”, and that actually worked too. Because I didn’t hear the names of the medicines given to me, and that kind of erased the auditory fear which would lead to physical reaction such as vomiting. That’s why, on the 11th time of chemo, while I managed to bluff myself taking panadol and without hearing the names of the medicines given to me, I managed to get hold of myself and sleep.. And all of these only last a few hours.. I would then suddenly feel like vomiting again. And once I hit some kind of posture or I don’t know what triggers it, I would just puke everything out from that empty stomach of mine. From that moment onward, I would keep vomiting for maybe every 15 minutes or so. Then on, it all gets tough again. Even after the chemo has ended, I would still vomit when I get home. Feeling real sick till the next morning when my appetite is getting back again. 2 weeks gone past and it was finally my last chemo. I was arranged an x-ray right before chemo (because I had occasional night coughs). And after x-ray, I proceeded on with chemo. They actually took a blood test from me before starting chemo. Similarly, I bluffed myself with usual morning antibiotics for panadol, and when the nurses inject the medicines (those anti-vomiting medicines -aka pre-meds mentioned earlier), I would try my best to block out what they say and keep telling myself that they are just pre-meds. Thankfully, the method worked again. I would then fall asleep and till a few hours past, I would wake up vomiting again. This time round, it is some serious vomiting. I just kept vomiting and vomiting. So much such that my gastric juices were coming out too… It felt really terrible, really tiring… For this last time, I vomited in the car on the way back home, vomited upon reaching home, tried to drink some soup and still end up vomiting all out. All till my mum finally say “no, this won’t do anymore, you have to stop vomiting. Eat the anti-vomiting medicine!” After calming myself down, I then tried to force an anti-vomiting pill down with water (you just really don’t feel like taking in any liquids including your own saliva when you vomit so so so much.. it is like nothing wants to get down your throat). Finally, after taking the anti-vomiting pill, the vomiting stopped. I still felt terrible. Most terrible probably.
Despite it being the last chemo, when I thought I would be all happy and excited finishing it, it was still a ferocious battle. Also, before my last chemo started, I unknowingly felt really anxious and nervous. I guess because after all these 11 times of chemo, it was so tough to handle, thinking that I still have that one more time to go through really puts me off… Oh and it might be due to having a x-ray taken right before my last chemo. As we all know, x-ray kills cells. I also had to take one more kind of antibiotic for a week after chemo because of low white blood count (WBC). So I guess there were just so many factors physically, psychologically and emotionally such that my last chemo was JUST SO TOUGH.
All in all… YESSSS I FINISHED MY TREATMENT! What seemed to be just so impossible and feel like giving up when halfway through the whole treatment, is now possible.
To all cancer patients, YOU ARE BRAVER THAN YOU THINK YOU ARE. What seems to be impossible at the time being doesn’t mean it will ALWAYS be impossible. HANG IN THERE and they will all soon be done. Also, with lots of support and care from my family, friends and teachers, BITE THE BULLET and time flies somehow. Once again, I really have to give special thanks to my mum for taking great care of me. It is really hard to really exactly understand one, but she did it. She understood me, she made me feel that she knows my pain, she knows my struggles, she knows my everything. I LOVE YOU MUM ♥♥♥
A month after my last chemo, it was time to visit the doctor again. Took blood test and went for doctor’s consultation. The blood test result showed that my WBC is back to “normal”. YAY 🙂 well… it is still considered low for an average person because since my WBC is just right above the border line. The range for WBC of an average person is 4.0 to 10.0, and mine was just above 4. Happy to learn about my WBC, I still have to be cautious with my immune system. Afterall, it sure took me long to finally get my WBC back up. OH and also!!! I GOT CONFIRMATION FROM THE DOCTOR THAT I CAN GET BACK TO SCHOOL!!! 6 months of break, that is enough. I just cant wait to get my life back up and going. And.. about 2 weeks later, I would have to go for my end-treatment PET-CT scan.
IN ANYWAYS, let’s just stay positive. There will always be a rainbow after every storm.