HL pg 3

So my last post on my story with Hodgkin’s lymphoma stopped at my 4th chemo.

After my 4th chemo, it meant that 2 cycles had finished and I would need to go for a PET-CT scan to check on the progress of my body. Whether the swollen/enlarged lymph nodes have gotten smaller. 2 days before my 5th chemo, was my PET-CT scan. On that day, I don’t know why, but I vomited and had slight fever. I didn’t really know the reason behind it. When I told my doctor about it, he didn’t say much either, so I don’t really know what happened. Maybe because I was perfectly fine after that day. Anyway, the PET-CT scan results were out and showed positive reactions to the chemo. The results were great and there was improvement where my lymph nodes decreases in size. 🙂

Now I will talk about my 5th, 6th  and 7th chemo.

The following 2 chemos after my 4th one only got worse. Because I practically threw up almost every hour during chemo. Unlike the first few times during chemo when I still had appetite to eat lunch, I had none this time. Empty on my stomach, I still vomited. Its just that kind of feeling where you know there is nothing left in your stomach to vomit anymore and still you just vomit all out. Where the stomach twists and twitch, asking you to might as well as open up the abdomen and throw up the whole stomach. Yes, it was that tough. Every single time I vomit, the thought of giving up just always flashes across. I know that I should not even think about it. But sometimes, I just cant help as it flashes across my mind. I can only say to myself that all these will be gone soon. Just a few more hours, just a little bit more, chemo will be over and I will be back home resting. And so my 5th and 6th chemo went past like this.

I have to say that it is just so unbearable at times that I cant help but tears would just flow down my cheeks. That feeling is just so helpless. There is really nothing you could do about it. Sometimes, I just feel so helpless where I just had to cry and ask the heavens why me (why is it me that I got lymphoma). Though I know and I appreciate and am very glad that many people are supporting and cheering me on, I just couldn’t help but ask myself these.Its really beyond my control to have to go through these side effects but at the same time, I should really be thankful that these are just temporary pain that I have to go through. For there are many other more who are suffering much more and much worse than I do. Maybe this is depression, they call. But maybe not too. Depression can be a side effect BUT, with my mum, I am very sure it is not depression I am suffering. For because when I talk to my mum, things only got better. Without my mum, I don’t think I can go through this smoothly. Mummy, I really want to thank you for taking no-pay leave and take great care of me. 妈妈,我爱你。 非常非常爱你!感谢,感恩,不管是什么字什么词,都无法形容我有多么珍惜你 ❤

And just about 2 days before my 7th chemo, I started having fever at around 38°C. Needless to say, my parents sent me to A&E midnight. And of course, I was admitted into hospital again. Because of chemo, my white blood count was VERY LOW. Hence the hospital staff arranged me into a single room as I have low immune system and would get infection or virus EASILY. I guess I had very slight bacteria infection because when I got transferred into the hematology department ward, I had no more fever. In the hem ward, there are many patients like me, with very low white blood count. Some, in fact, has much more serious health issues than me. Age does matters. For the bone marrow doesn’t work as well as the age increases. I saw patients who were waiting for bone marrow transplants, and had to depend on blood transfusion to increase their blood count, or even platelets. As for me, I didn’t need those blood transfusion nor platelets, I just need a jab/ injection to boost my immune system or rather my white blood count. I think I am thankful enough that I only had this much to take and just keep hoping that this is all I have to take. If staying away at home, trying my best to keep myself away from outside food, eating freshly cooked food and fruits, having more rest, then I would really rather stay this way for now and keep myself as healthy as possible till I get 100% of my health back.

So when my fever subsided, I proceeded with my 7th chemo. My 7th chemo was actually pushed back for about 3 days as I was not feeling well and comfortable with doing it on schedule of once every 2 weeks. Anyway, on my 7th chemo, the side effects I went through was still the same, vomiting. Thankfully on my 7th chemo, I did not vomit as much as the previous twice. But that side effect lasted my a day or two though. And so my 7th chemo finished successfully. After my 7th chemo, I was still in hospital. The doctors just wouldn’t let me go home because of low blood pressure and low white blood count… so my stay in the hospital just got longer. About 4 -5  days after my 7th chemo, I asked the doctor when can I go home, and they answered “when your blood pressure is higher and your white blood count starts to raise a little more”. After hearing the doctor’s words, I told her, “its practically impossible for my white blood count to rise back just that a little more because I am on chemo and my chemo is once every 2 weeks. So, just how(?) is it possible for me to be discharged if I can only be discharged when I am what you said?”. The doctor just shrugged and said “well, we can only see how your body condition improves”. I was just so disappointed with those words because it is just so boring in the hospital I’d really rather go home! And with my ward having  being cleaned up and sanitized after 2 patients were moved to isolation room, how safe can I feel being in that ward and don’t feel that I would get attacked by virus or bacteria infection?? Thankfully, during noon while I was having lunch, my doctor-in-charge came to me and asked me a few questions. And since I felt perfectly fine, he told me that I can be discharged. And in a few hours or so, I was back home (phew..!). The freedom of being at home is just so great that I am so thankful that my doctor-in-charged discharged me 🙂

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